Where Are You Christmas?

 I am having a tough time finding my Christmas spirit this year, as I know many of you are. Usually I am starting to plan and sew and enjoy music and movies. This year, it all feels forced. I am trying. I listen to holiday music, and think it sounds nice, but it isn't giving me the feel that it usually does. I have my list of movies to watch, but I feel kind of meh about actually sitting down to watch. I have high hopes that once I watch a couple I will feel different.

I have already bought and sent my gifts to the grand children. Many I ordered on line and just had them shipped. Why ship twice? And since they had to go all the way across the country, I wanted it done plenty early. I have never done that before.

I dug out some Christmas fabrics, and after some hemming and hawing chose some to make hexies out of.

I have an idea for a Christmas pillow for my bed. I will soon be putting my Fair Isle quilt on the bed for the season and the pillows that are there don't reflect the season at all. I still need another design for the second pillow.

I am enjoying making the pillow covers, but it still doesn't feel like Christmas to me. I need it to feel like Christmas. I look at projects from years past and they make me smile, but they don't inspire me to decorate.

I think I know what's really missing this year. And it's this...my family. I haven't seen them in over a year. The ache in my heart is huge. I am missing them growing up and we all know how quickly that happens.

So, for now, all I can do is keep trying. I will watch my movies with my husband and we will listen to lots of Christmas music. I have some twinkle lights up in my room and decorations will eventually go up elsewhere in the house. I will still miss the littles and their silliness that makes the holidays magic. And I will dream a dream of next year. And that will have to do for now. Thanks for lending me your ears.